The Two Mikes

Statesman Reporters Confess
By: Mike “Woodward” Bennett and Michael “Bernstein” Valvo




Have you ever wondered how a Nationalist reporter and a Federalist photographer could cover a story that was entirely within a Federalist Party Caucus? Well, here’s our story. (The Statesman editors, John and Brian, deny all knowledge of our actions)

While photographing the Federalist Party Caucus, “Woodward” observed a commotion in the Spafford County Section of the assembly hall, immediately suspecting foul play, photographed the outburst of up-raised hands. After being informed of the situation by our contact “Deepthroat”, went to get “Bernstein”, his faithful companion. Forgetting that he was a Nationalist, we had to think fast, as the convention was almost over. We took it upon ourselves to go undercover; this is where my partner in crime comes in.

Bernstein had absolutely no idea how we would accomplish this dangerous task. Together we both knew that this was extremely dangerous. We stepped up to the door, and we were both stopped. Nerves were running through Bernstein knowing that it would possible to be caught, and our mission would have been a failure. Luckily, we passed the inspection and went to find “Deepthroat.” The two of us found him and interviewed him and my faithful companion, Woodward, took a fantastic picture of myself interviewing our witness. The witness helped us find the new county chairman and the overthrown county chairman. Bernstein got quotes from both of the candidates without anyone ever finding out. After obtaining quotes and photographs we both flew out of the assembly hall as fast as we could. Mission accomplished.

In retribution for our dangerous acts while risking life and limb, our editors, John Nichols and Brian McDowell, who, by the way, still deny all knowledge of our acts, created a “Mike’s Hot Dog” award, awarded for dangerous reporting. Both Mike”Woodward” Bennett, and Michael “Bernstein” Valvo wish to send out our appreciation to both John and Brian for giving us the opportunity to excel, and all of their help. Neither of us is going to forget our memories from the press for a long time. Have a great trip home, and don’t ever forget what this experience has taught us.